hot challah
June 2013
1 post
April 2013
1 post
Real Messages I receive on OkCupid
“I apologize for being persistent, But can you blame me? I truly feel enthralled to offer my friendship and apply for yours, If you are accepting applications or have a open try out. You paint an image and idea of a woman of substance on your profile which is rare in real life let alone on OKcupid. This is my reason for being persistent. I have much to offer and can prove it “IN PERSON” not just online or on paper. ”
February 2013
1 post
How do I strike the right balance between being professional and personable at work?
This is the second question I’ve ever received through “Help Me Hotchallah” and I apologize for take forEVER to respond. I haven’t logged in much and it didn’t ping me that you asked. My deepest apologies.
Let’s see. You ask “How do I strike the right balance between being professional and personable at work?”
This is a fantastic question. I have to say I suck at striking this balance. I’m a chronic oversharer and I don’t know how to be discreet to save my life.
However, why not learn from my mistakes? I think the best balance between professional and personal is to be warm, open and friendly all while maintaining your personal privacy and not sharing anything self-deprecating or embarrassing.
For me, this would mean not talking at all, but maybe you can think of something else to talk about?!
December 2012
2 posts
If you don't know what you're doing you can call it outsider art.
Day 3 of feeling sick. I have taken to the bed. I’ve begun drawing a motley crew of characters. I hope I have a fever dream and they all attend.
November 2012
2 posts
fiction as procrastination pt.2
James stood there barefoot in the small kitchen, slouched over the sink, washing dishes. Not only his own plates and bowls but whatever dishes were present. Anyone’s dishes. This had to be a good sign. It was cold and bright outside, the morning light shinning through the window fogged by the heat of the hot, soapy dish water. James’ silhouette against the window’s morning light was dramatic and comforting.
fiction as procrastination
It was Saturday, three weeks after the funeral and Eric and his brother were on the roof, patching up holes and attaching shingles. Down on the street a late model four-door sedan slowed to a stop in front of the row home next door. A real estate agent stepped out of the driver’s seat, impeccably dressed in a tailored suit. He opened the back driver’s side door and out slid a slim, brunette woman, followed by an older gentleman. The couple had arrived to look at Mrs. Clark’s home next door. Eric had been fantasizing about moving into Mrs. Clark’s house ever since she died - not out of morbid fascination but because she had a great outdoor porch while Eric’s family’s was small, screened in and perpetually full of broken appliances and boxes of everything.
September 2012
1 post
Caturday: Cats on Things
Who, me? Matzoball doing her best to get in my way and then ignore me.
July 2012
1 post
During my private college education I wrote short fiction about foreskins...
“The newspapers are reporting great, hopeful studies on circumcision in curbing HIV transmissions in Africa. And there is talk of hospitals offering the service at no or low cost, which is all fantastic and very much needed of course. I can’t quite get this next thought out without it coming out as punch line. But every time I read something on this, I can’t help but wonder - what are they going to do with all that foreskin? Can it be used for grafting, for compost?”
I just found about 60 pages of unfinished short stories and novels from college. Is it arrogant to love yourself for writing something? It was only 7 years ago but it feels so long ago that it’s okay to be like “you’re an adorable little weirdo, friend”.
June 2012
2 posts
RIP Nora Ephron. We've Always Got You've Got Mail
I just heard that the great Nora Ephron has passed away. Nora Ephron wrote my favorite romcoms, and my all time favorite movie You’ve Got Mail. She brought us When Harry Met Sally and I Feel Bad About My Neck, she was a lovely woman who made fantastic entertainment pieces, dare I say art.
Please enjoy this repost of my post from last year regarding my deep abiding love for YGM.
A Secret Between Friends and Mulderbosch Rosé 2011
Movie: A Secret Between Friends
Anorexia and bulimia destroy two young lives
Wine: Mulderbosch Rosé 2011
This sexy, sophisticated and light dry rosé possesses a beautifully fragrant nose, and offers alluring aromas of rose petal, wild strawberry, and raspberry. It’s just like the type of Bath and Bodyworks bodysplash that an anorexic highschooler would wear. Plus, it goes well with fruit and light fish which are easy to purge.
May 2012
2 posts
Are you aware of it: How to Rube Goldberg your own coffee mug
Are you aware of it? How to Rube Goldberg your own coffee mug.
Beloved Anti-Semites Revealed! Pt. 2
Previously, I touched on the relatively known anti-semitism of one, Coco Chanel. Today, I inform you of another oft-loved Jew hater, our childhood friend: Roald Dahl.
April 2012
4 posts
How do I give a blow job to a boy and make him like me?
This post is in response to my first ever question through the “help me hotchallah” question link at the top of this page. It may be spam but in case it is sincere, I’m answering it seriously.
Dear Anonymous,
Where to begin. I’m assuming that you are at least 18 because if you aren’t I don’t want to talk to you about this. Get a non-sexual hobby and work on making yourself an interesting person. Or study for the SATs or something.
First of all, blow jobs will not make a boy like you, they are not magic.
If bjs made boys “like like” you in a way that mattered or lasted then no one would be single and broken hearted…ever.
Never ever give a blow job to a boy who hasn’t already demonstrated that he likes you if you like him – this will only end in hurt feelings.
I’ve never been one to give out blow jobs freely because frankly, I’m not one to give out awesome presents to people who don’t demonstrate respect and adoration of me. I also really don’t think a bj is any less important than sex. If you don’t feel ready to have sex with someone, are you sure you’re ready to put your face up to their junk and pleasure them? Does the word pleasure make you uncomfortable? Would you use a condom? Is this boy sexually active? Do you want oral herpes on your face like Katie Holmes? These are things to consider.
I’m not a puritan dear Anonymous, it’s okay to have the sexy-time with people you don’t have loving feelings for, if that’s what you both want and you are being mature and responsible about it…but that is not the case here since you clearly want this boy to like you.
What makes a boy like you is being a badass awesome lady who is smart, funny and confident. I am all these things and sometimes boys don’t like me! But you know what? I usually realize they are dumb assholes!
- Hotchallah
March 2012
7 posts
Interior Decorating the Hotchallah Way
Over the past year I accidentally started collecting plastic animals. Knowing this, some of my closest friends have brought me or mailed me lovely animal figurines. This picture is of the current animal parade now taking place on my fireplace mantel.
How "There's Something About Mary" Warped the Ideal Woman
Continuing my series on HOW MEDIA I WAS EXPOSED TO IN MY ADOLESCENCE FUCKED ME UP
I want a guy who can play 36 holes of golf, and still have enough energy to take Warren and me to a baseball game, and eat sausages, and beer, not lite beer, but beer. That’s my ad, print it up. - Mary, describing her ideal man…and basically herself.
I will never be an — outrageously gorgeous, tall, blonde, blue-eyed, sports loving, hot-dog-on-a-stick-eating, golf playing, football watching, full-calorie beer drinking, skinny upper arm sporting, flat ab rocking, baseball admiring, adorably laughing, philanthropically participating, patient with the cognitively impaired doing, gorgeous skin having, free spirited Miami living — orthopedic surgeon in my early 30s with enough free time to hang out as much as our girl Mary.
I will never be most of these things. And I’m okay with that. Really. I’ve talked it out with my friends. I get it. I’m going to be okay.
