My favorite coworker is about 66 years old. She doesn’t like the riffraff in her neighborhood that play outside. She is worried about crime. She reuses everything. She is a republican. She has a gripe about everything.

Today she asked me why I wear such ugly old lady shoes which “even [she] would never even wear”. 

(yes we have a crack in the floor where I work. It’s across the whole building and we’re going to die in an earthquake.)